![]() Even though I previously thought the way to show friendship was to shimmy my way into other people’s problems. Because, to her, me showing I care is respecting her boundaries. So, when she told me she wasn’t ready to talk about it yet, I believed her instead of seeing her reluctance as something that needed to be torn down to prove I care about her. But I have learned that that is not how she operates. If I had had a bad week, I would have wanted a friend to ask me about it and encourage me to open up so we could discuss it. The other day she shared that she had had a bad week. For example, I have a friend who is far more private than any close friend I’ve had in the past. (Two distinct steps!) Sometimes it is easy to tell what the other person wants. This effort has been part of a larger evolution for me wherein I am learning that people truly do operate differently from me and accepting that that is perfectly okay. Since learning about the Platinum Rule, I have tried to be more aware of other people’s preferences. Living in that delusion is safe and comfortable, but it is not what other people need from you. It can shield you from noticing what might actually help someone because you are operating under the false assumption that you instinctively know what is best for everyone else. And I realized, while well intentioned, the Golden Rule completely ignores people’s personality differences and greater context. Showing up for people wasn’t confusing because I knew how to show up for myself.īut then everything shifted. If someone needed advice, I would tell them what I might need to hear. If a friend was going through a hard time, I simply did what I would want someone to do for me. It helped me navigate otherwise terrifying or perplexing terrain. I was also an adamant supporter of the Golden Rule. Some might even say my consideration teeters on the edge of hypervigilance and compulsion, but I will leave that for my next therapist to confirm or deny. I make sure I never cut anyone in line and I am constantly monitoring the “vibes” of everyone in a group to ensure no one feels left out or upset. You see, I pride myself on being an extremely considerate person. My initial reaction to this new idea was: Oh, that makes a lot of sense. I first heard about this theory in my multicultural counseling class, which makes perfect sense since the entire point of the course was learning how to model therapy around the needs and preferences of the individual client-instead of forcing them to work within a pre-established system (made by white men). What might work for me, might not work at all for you or your neighbor.Įnter: the Platinum Rule. But the problem with the Golden Rule is that people often want different things. Not sure how to handle a situation? Behave how you would want someone else to behave. It’s a lovely concept that distills human interaction into one simple guideline. A lot of you have probably heard about the Golden Rule: Treat others how you would want to be treated.
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